The Decline of Romantic Love in the Modern World

by Gamal Hennessy

The modern concept of love and romance is closer to a contract than an emotion.

Today, love is a commodity and we are all speculative investors. Consider this:

• Our depictions, expressions, songs, and concepts about relationships are closer to business terms than seductive language.
• Dating has been reduced to a process resembling due diligence instead of growing personal connection.
• Sex is often just an asset available for barter or trade.
• Attention is a scarce resource.
• The size and cost of our gifts are seen as more important than the sentiment attached to them.
• Marriage is a contractual merger or an aggressive acquisition.
• Certain behavior or personal traits are referred to as “deal breakers” by those in the “market”.
• Some women choose the features of their wedding rings before they consider a wedding partner.
• Many people consider the prestige that a person will add to their social status, instead of the joy they bring to living.
• The appearance of our relationships online are given more focus than the way lovers treat each other from day to day.

I will admit that these concepts might be more rational and more appropriate to the age of personal branding we currently live in. Romantic love may not have a place here. Unconditional love might be foolish; a waste of time and resources better spent making money, binge watching TV or trolling social media to get more followers.

But Love is not rational. Love is not fair. The lover surrenders himself to the loved one, in spite of all hardships, in spite of rejection, and in the face of impossibility.

Today, most people may never feel this type of love. Perhaps they simply won’t know what it is when they encounter it. Or they won’t admit to feeling it out of fear of appearing weak or being hurt. This is tragic for those who miss or reject romantic love, but for the hedonists fortunate enough to meet people who can inspire that unconditional surrender, we have glimpsed both heaven and hell. We have experienced something that makes life worth living.

Summarized from The Double Flame by Octavio Paz

Hedonistic Inspiration for Your Weekend and Beyond

Just a thought to put things into perspective...

“At the end of the day, it all comes down to you. No matter what your position in life, there are moments of joy and happiness to be had. You can go out and create them, or you can sit and wallow in a state of self-perpetuated misery. If you have a dream you should commit to it. If you find a vocation you love and you want to be the very best, good luck to you. But wherever your journey leads you, remember that life is not an assignment. It is not a contest. It is an experience and] an adventure that can be filled with beauty, bliss and above all, pleasure.”

”

— Michael Flocker: The Hedonist Handbook

Have fun.

Gamal

A New Year, a New Website, a New Sale and Free Stories for You

I’m trying to get my act together this year and offer you a one stop shop for the world of Crime and Passion.

http://nightlifepublishing.nyc

The website still needs a bit of polish, but I’d like to invite you to my new virtual home by offering a few gifts.

First, I’ve got two short stories available for free wherever ebooks are sold. 

Broken Glass is the story of a Wall Street bartender who gets caught up in corporate conspiracies and murder.

The Fall of King Richard is about a banker who tries to leave his mistress before his wife and the Russian Mafia catches up to him.

Second, I’ve cut 20% off the price of my first novel Smooth Operator to celebrate the new site. Smooth Operator is a collection of stories about a crippled spy and the mysterious people who work for him. This book was a top new release on Amazon, so I think you’ll enjoy it.

The website also has my thoughts on relationships, police brutality and creativity. You can also sign up for the RSVP List to stay informed on new stories I write. If all that wasn’t enough, my baby pictures are also on the site somewhere, so you can see me when I still had hair.

In the next few weeks, I plan to announce an early reader offer for my next novel A Touch of Honey, but I hope you’ll visit the site and enjoy it until then.

Have fun.

Gamal

Your Dating App Isn’t the Problem in Your Love Life. You Are. (Love in the Time of Smartphones)

It is easy to lament the state of modern romance (See This Is How We Date Now). We can look at dating apps and claim romance is dead. We can point to the abundance of our digital connections as the reason behind our collective personal disconnection. We can point to the illusion of social media and blame it for the one sided portrayal of the relationships we manage to have. But these protests are short sighted because they ignore a basic reality of sexual expression.

It’s true many of us in the twenty first century can find a potential partner in the same way we can order pizza. Couples on dates do spend a disturbing amount of time staring at their phones instead of each other. Most online relationship narratives only show the happy moments. Life and love were so much better before social networks, smartphones and apps, right?

Society has created multiple methods to bring people together throughout history. Arranged marriages, matchmakers, church groups, social mixers and random encounters in bars and clubs pre-dated Tinder and Match. Did they produce better results?

People who did get together spent a lot of time apart. They might be separated physically because of work and travel, or they might be mentally separated staring at the TV all night. Were those romantic droughts preferable to smartphone staring?

The interpersonal problems we had were covered up in public with banal conversation and elaborate lies. Emotional release was satisfied by professional courtesans and concubines for the rich or amateur infidelity for the poor. Some people just suffered in silence, drowning their sorrow in liquor or lashing out at the people around them. Why is that life better than the one we have now.

Technology has changed the details of our romantic encounters, but it has not changed the fundamental process. It has made it easier for us to connect and disconnect, but has not altered the art of seduction. We now have the ability to find people to love, but most of us still don’t know how. Technology isn’t the problem. It’s the people who use it.

We have no collective skill in romance or love because most of us never get a seductive education. At a certain age, we’re pushed to be attractive, date, marry, procreate and repeat the process with the next generation with most people stumbling through every stage like a drunken monkey. It’s as if we were each given a gun and bullets and then told to protect ourselves without any instruction on the physical, mental, emotional and social impact of owning a deadly weapon. We are burdened with the expectation and responsibility to love with nothing more than the ignorant mantra of “it will work out if it’s meant to.”

It’s not as if the lessons of love don’t exist. Ovid’s Art of Love, the Kama Sutra, the Technique of the Love Affair and the Art of Seduction are only a small sample of the books devoted to romance. There are historical icons from Casanova and Ninon de l’Enclos and modern examples like Prince and Monica Bellucci today. But the education is hidden or rejected. The experts are either shunned or marginalized as unique or different from the rest of us. But romantic fulfillment isn’t a product of apathy, apps or astrology. It comes from intelligent effort, focused attention and constant communication.

I left the open dating world before apps went main stream, so I only have an observer’s perspective on the current state of affairs. I’ve been in love for five years now with a woman I idolize and adore. We share affection, communication and understanding I appreciate but never take for granted. I still try to attract and impress her because I’ve made the personal decision to continue and enhance our romantic relationship. In spite of the dire predictions, romance isn’t dead. It can’t be killed by society or technology. Romance is simply rare and it only lives and thrives with inspiration and effort.

Have fun.

Gamal