Effort vs. Destiny in Long Term Relationships

By Gamal Hennessy

Many romantic relationships suffer from an expectation of fantasy. We understand that health, wealth and personal growth require effort over a long period of time. But our intimate relationships, especially when it comes to sexual expression, are often caught up in concepts like “soulmates”, “true love”, and “happily ever after”. Social psychologist Jessica Maxwell calls this phenomenon sexual destiny belief. She contrasts it with the idea of sexual growth and suggests one is superior to the other when it comes to improving our long term partnerships.

“Results suggest that those who are higher in sexual growth beliefs—who think sex takes work—are more satisfied in their sex lives and overall relationships. On the other hand, those who were stronger in sexual destiny beliefs, those who saw sexual problems as a sign that they and their partner weren’t truly soul mates, were more likely to lose faith in a relationship when sexual difficulties arose.”

— Jessica Maxwell: How Implicit Theories of Sexuality Shape Relationship Well Being

The implications are clear and they make perfect sense. If we’re willing to learn to improve our minds, or exercise to improve our bodies, or work to improve our finances, then it only makes sense that we need to improve our sexual expression too…

And building a better sex life with your partner is more fun than going to work anyway…

Have fun.

G

The Best American Erotica 1993: A Book Review

By Gamal Hennessy

From my perspective, Susie Bright is a luminary in the genre of erotic fiction. Not only has she written, edited, and published several books on the subject over the years, her writing guide How to Write a Dirty Story has been an inspiration for all six of the novels I’ve written. I’ve wanted to read her first anthology The Best American Erotica 1993 for years, so when it went on sale on Audible, I downloadedit as soon as I could. Unfortunately, my experience was less than ideal.

The book does have positive qualities. First, there is a wide array of authors who contributed short stories to this collection and the range of erotic expression is very diverse. LGBT, straight and BDSM flavors are all mixed and represented here. Characters of different ages, ethnic backgrounds, nationalities and economic realities all get time in the spotlight. And the range of sexual expression is also broad. Some characters fully explored their passions, others lost their chance just before they could attain satisfaction, and some struggled to repress or deny the only thing they couldn’t stop thinking about.

But all the stories shared similar flaws. The stories had little or no turning points, no crisis choice that the characters had to make to expose their true nature or alter their condition. They were unchanged from the beginning of the story to the end, and the sexual experiences they had (or didn’t have) did nothing to bring about change in their lives. What they did was on full display. Why they did it or how it defined them was always left out.

It doesn’t have to be that way in erotica or any other genre. We only have to look at the short stories in Delta of Venus, Night in a Moorish Harem or Erotic Interludes to see that sexual expression can be the catalyst for change in a character’s life. Of course, not every sexual encounter alters our existence, but when every story in a collection lacks that element, the whole book suffers.

In terms of the overall presentation of the audio book it’s also a mixed experience. The readers of each piece were very good and their voices matched the nature of the narrator well. However, most of the sex in this book skews towards the nonconsensual. There is diversity here too, as the scenarios range from lack of consent to rape and sustained torture. If you don’t enjoy those types of stories the book might be hard to get through.

Overall, I appreciated the diversity of Best American Erotica, but the stories themselves didn’t satisfy. The series continues for several more volumes, so perhaps the first one can be seen as a viable proof of concept.

Have fun.
Gamal

When it Comes to Dating, You Might Want to Get Out of the Cold

by Gamal Hennessy

A recent Match.com survey suggests "warm" or "hot" approaches (initial connections made through mutual friends, interests or online dating) beat "cold" approaches (initial connections made with strangers) by a factor of ten to one.

Singles in America and the Future of Love

“Fisher and her research partner found that 31% of singles met their last first date online, while 25% met through a friend, and 6% met in a bar or club.”

— Krista Tippett: On Being

The moral of the story is if you want a relationship in the 21st Century, you probably need to come in out of the cold.

Have fun.

Gamal

A Touch of Honey Teaser Sample Part One

by Gamal Hennessy

Teasers, trailers and samples are an expected part of modern entertainment. Movies, games and TV shows try to build up excitement by offering a sneak peak of new releases. Well, what’s good for them is good for me. I want you to get excited about my new novel A Touch of Honey, so all this week I’m offering a sample chapter to get you ready for the release on March 17th.

Enjoy… 

Part One

"So I'm hoping you still have the flash drive you acquired from Cruz Maritime."

Baker opened the cuffs and dropped them into his lap in one smooth motion. Nikki rubbed her wrists to project an image of pain. They didn't really hurt, but she needed to do something with her hands to stall for time. She held his gaze for an extra beat to reinforce her sincerity then shook her head and lied.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just a bartender at a strip club, at least I used to be, before you got my attention."

Baker nodded. "I understand what you’re trying to do. You want to stick to your cover story as long as possible. You’ll deny everything that doesn't fit your legend. That's your first line of defense. It's interrogation resistance 101. But if you were going to work that angle, it would have made sense to act more frightened back in the alley." Baker smiled as if teaching tradecraft to an eager student over drinks. "Let me play along. I’ll tell you a little story and pretend to put things in perspective for you. Does that make sense?"

"It's your car."

"Actually, this is a company car. I prefer to drive something much nicer than this on my own time." 

Nikki shook her head in spite of herself. "Whatever."

Baker smiled back "Whatever. Approximately nine months ago, a woman named Nikki Siriene attended a Christmas party in the resort city of Mar del Plata, Argentina. The host of that party was one Manuel Cruz, former President of Cruz Maritime. In the days following that party, Nikki became an intimate acquaintance of both Manuel Cruz and his wife; a French painter named Dominique. What do you think of that picture so far?"

Nikki's jaw clenched as she forced out a response. "A high profile international threesome sounds pretty hot."

"It was, but it got hotter." Baker shifted in his seat to face her. His interest and excitement in the story filled the whole car. The memories he exposed forced bile into her throat. "You see, Manuel didn’t know Nikki had been sent to spy on him." Baker let those words hang in the air for a moment as if to savor them. "Prior intelligence suggested Cruz Maritime might be smuggling illegal weapons into Mexico. It was Nikki's job to steal the data that could prove or disprove that suspicion."

A Touch of Honey will be available for all major book platforms on March 17th, 2015. If you’d like to get my first novel Smooth Operator for free while you’re waiting, just click on this link to get your e-book. 

Have fun.

Gamal

The Decline of Romantic Love in the Modern World

by Gamal Hennessy

The modern concept of love and romance is closer to a contract than an emotion.

Today, love is a commodity and we are all speculative investors. Consider this:

• Our depictions, expressions, songs, and concepts about relationships are closer to business terms than seductive language.
• Dating has been reduced to a process resembling due diligence instead of growing personal connection.
• Sex is often just an asset available for barter or trade.
• Attention is a scarce resource.
• The size and cost of our gifts are seen as more important than the sentiment attached to them.
• Marriage is a contractual merger or an aggressive acquisition.
• Certain behavior or personal traits are referred to as “deal breakers” by those in the “market”.
• Some women choose the features of their wedding rings before they consider a wedding partner.
• Many people consider the prestige that a person will add to their social status, instead of the joy they bring to living.
• The appearance of our relationships online are given more focus than the way lovers treat each other from day to day.

I will admit that these concepts might be more rational and more appropriate to the age of personal branding we currently live in. Romantic love may not have a place here. Unconditional love might be foolish; a waste of time and resources better spent making money, binge watching TV or trolling social media to get more followers.

But Love is not rational. Love is not fair. The lover surrenders himself to the loved one, in spite of all hardships, in spite of rejection, and in the face of impossibility.

Today, most people may never feel this type of love. Perhaps they simply won’t know what it is when they encounter it. Or they won’t admit to feeling it out of fear of appearing weak or being hurt. This is tragic for those who miss or reject romantic love, but for the hedonists fortunate enough to meet people who can inspire that unconditional surrender, we have glimpsed both heaven and hell. We have experienced something that makes life worth living.

Summarized from The Double Flame by Octavio Paz

After Fifty Shades of Gray, Why Is Erotica Still the Black Sheep of Fiction Genres?

By Gamal Hennessy

“Writing ought either to be the manufacture of stories for which there is a market demand — a business as safe and commendable as making soap or breakfast foods — or it should be an art, which is always a search for something for which there is no market demand, something new and untried, where the values are intrinsic and have nothing to do with standardized values.”

— Willa Cather

This Valentine’s Day marks the release of the Fifty Shades of Gray film. Based on one of the most controversial books over the past few years, it has been credited (or blamed for, depending on your perspective) a new exploration of sexual expression in the mainstream.  “Mommy porn” has become a viable subgenre of erotica, but In spite of the popularity of Fifty Shades and the deluge of BDSM erotica riding its long tail, erotic writing is still a repressed art form in America, snickered at or openly rejected by the masses.

Why?

The American Relationship to the Erotic

The lack of quality in the prose of Fifty Shades isn't the reason erotica gets rejected. It's our own collective agitation with the subject. According to Sallie Tisdale in her amazing book Talk Dirty to Me, We are trapped between our Judeo-Christian Protestant morality and our obsession with sex as a tool of commerce and power. We willingly exploit the concept that “sex sells” but reject any insightful public discussion about seduction or sexual expression. Our collective response to sincere sexuality is avoidance, disdain, ridicule, silence or backhanded suggestions of mental imbalance.

“American society is adolescent; there is no other word for our restlessness and finger shaking. We live in a world filled with the continual proliferation of sexual images outside context. Still, we find it almost unbearable to openly talk about sex. The result is cultural puberty: lewd, leering, intensely curious and ashamed and prudish all at once. ”

— Sallie Tisdale, Talk Dirty to Me

Thankfully, when I released A Taste of Honey, a book with a distinct erotic element, the negative reaction wasn’t aggressive, but it was disconcerting to discover the people in my life conform, to one extent or another, to the same attitudes towards sexual expression as the rest of society. This made sense to me over time. My circle of friends and family are functioning members of the community they live in. It is understandable that they share the general beliefs of the wider group. I had no reason to expect anything different but somehow I hoped it would be.

Controlling the Image

I don’t have illusions about the way people interact with each other. I know that each of us holds onto an image of every person in our lives. We project attributes, titles and values onto the people that we know and then assume those qualities will be fairly consistent over time. Any information that alters or upsets the image we create is resisted and rejected. If a revelation doesn’t conform to our defined social relationship then we don’t want to hear about it. By and large, most of your family, friends and co-workers don’t want to know anything about your sexual expression, because it upsets their image or you and falls outside the realm of acceptable information. Reading or writing erotica can be a revelation about your sexual expression and your sexual philosophy. It opens up a subject most people do not want to discuss or explore. In the 21st Century, only a total stranger online or an intimate confidant in bed is willing to learn about your sexual dispositions. No one else you know has any interest in the subject.

I’m not trying to invite everyone to know every sexual moment of everyone else’s life. Mystery and taboo are important aspects to the sexual experience. At the same time, my sexual expression is a large part of the definition of who I am as a person. To push that part of me away or to repress it would be rejecting a facet of my life that I’m not ashamed of. Inserting erotica into my work makes as much sense to me as including humor, wit or complexity. It is fundamental to my art and to my life. If I didn’t put it in because other people weren’t comfortable with it, then my writing wouldn’t be mine anymore. My life wouldn’t be mine anymore.

Pushing Boundaries through Art

Just before I started releasing my work, I read a book from Susie Bright called How to Write a Dirty Story. The book was quite good, in part, because it helped me see my role as a writer both in terms of erotica and in terms of other aspects of writing. Her advice, like Ms. Cather’s above, was to use my craft to push the boundaries of society and not just relax within the comfortable framework of acceptable commercial work. I have no interest in writing the most shocking, perverted or controversial book ever. Marquis de Sade already did that. My goal is much more insidious. I want to embed the erotic in other types of stories so deeply that one can’t be separated from the other. I want to construct scenes that are arousing not because of their graphic imagery, but because of their realistic intensity. My goal is to see the film version of A Taste of Honey become a blockbuster not just because of the sexual controversy it creates, but because of the quality of the story on the screen.

Have fun.

Gamal

The Darkest Side of Rejection

White male privilege, a warped sense of entitlement and a persistent rape culture has lead to a teenage boy trying to kill 3 Women "because he's a virgin"

I've argued in earlier posts for the importance of building seductive skills in society (See Love in the Time of Smartphones). There might not be any form of education or intervention we can use to prevent men suffering from autistic spectrum disorder from trying to kill, but the more we can do to reduce the anxiety of sexual frustration the fewer men will be compelled to turn to violence when faced with rejection.

The Hypocritical Motivation Behind Female on Female Slut Shaming

By Gamal Hennessy

The concept of slut shaming is often associated with an inequality between male and female sexual expression. Men are praised for high levels of sexual activity while women are maligned. The majority of this social warfare was thought to be a product of male bias, but a new study suggests slut shaming is a powerful social tool for women to use against other women.

Researchers observed and interviewed college-aged women in a campus setting. They found slut shaming to be a form of abuse women from affluent families used to disparage women from less fortunate social circumstances. Shame was about income, not sex although sexual expression was the target of the attack.

“Viewing women only as victims of men’s sexual dominance fails to hold women accountable for the roles they play in reproducing social inequalities. By engaging in ‘slut-shaming’ women at the top create more space for their own sexual experimentation, at the cost of women at the bottom of social hierarchies.”

— Elizabeth Armstrong, Professor of Sociology at the University of Michigan

This isn’t a new phenomenon. The upper classes in societies throughout history have engaged in broad types of sexual expression and denied the same activity to lower social groups. Erotica and manuals of sexual techniques have been hidden away in private libraries. Only the rich could afford the services of concubines, courtesans or prostitutes. In modern eras, both the church and the state impose a sexually restrictive morality on the general population as they indulge in any and every sexual option imaginable.   

This systemic sexual repression is a form of class warfare designed to restrict upward mobility. Erotic capital, like financial, social and intellectual capital are transferable, giving a person with one type of capital the ability to trade it in for other types of social currency. (See Erotic Capital by Catherine Hakim) The difference between erotic capital and other forms is its distribution. Beauty, sex appeal and physical ability can’t be hoarded by certain classes and passed down through generations. In theory, anyone from any class can achieve a high degree of erotic capital. If society allowed free transfer of this currency, social mobility would suddenly be within reach of a wider section of society. Suppression of erotic capital through techniques like slut shaming reduces the utility of erotic capital for those who need it most.

Sexual intelligence and independence in sexual expression could be effective counter measures for this type of social warfare, but few women of any class have the training to develop those traits. (See Love in the Time of Smartphones) Until we treat sexual expression as a fundamental dynamic of society, tactics like slut shaming will continue to have a detrimental effect on everyone.

Have fun.

Gamal

Hedonistic Inspiration for Your Weekend and Beyond

Just a thought to put things into perspective...

“At the end of the day, it all comes down to you. No matter what your position in life, there are moments of joy and happiness to be had. You can go out and create them, or you can sit and wallow in a state of self-perpetuated misery. If you have a dream you should commit to it. If you find a vocation you love and you want to be the very best, good luck to you. But wherever your journey leads you, remember that life is not an assignment. It is not a contest. It is an experience and] an adventure that can be filled with beauty, bliss and above all, pleasure.”

”

— Michael Flocker: The Hedonist Handbook

Have fun.

Gamal

Laws Don't Improve Society. We Do.

According to Foreign Policy Magazine, the rape culture of India isn't being reduced by public calls for castration, mob violence and harsher anti-rape laws. The problem might be getting worse. 

India Doesn't Understand It's Rape Problem

“The obsession with punishment “deflects attention from the accountability shared by the state” — its failure to address social norms that lead to sex crimes against women. These norms often emerge from legal and educational institutions that place little to no premium on gender equality. India’s preoccupation with capital punishment gives “individuals a way to distance themselves from potentially sexist beliefs they may themselves hold.”
”

— Kavita Krishnan, Secretary of the advocacy group All India Progressive Women’s Association

The problem isn't limited to India or our present issues with police brutality in America, pseudo religious extremism in Europe or mass murder in Nigeria. Governments can pass laws and crackdown on segments of the population, but our problems will continue until we change our individual perspectives and attitudes.

“The Holocaust was legal. Slavery was legal. Segregation was legal. If you use the state as a metric for ethics, you’ll end up disappointed.”

— Lex Loper

Consider the ongoing experience America is having with the LGBT community. Prior to the Stonewall Riots, homosexuality was a lifestyle shunned, attacked and rejected by mainstream society. They were blamed for HIV and accused of undermining the fabric of American society. In 2014, challenges still exist, but gay marriage is legal in a majority of states, same sex relationships in entertainment and advertising is on the rise and the mainstream has watered down gay culture in order to absorb it. 

This didn't happen because laws were changed to compel people to change their views. Views changed when anti-gay people understood some of their friends, family and colleagues were gay. Views changed when the two groups looked past the labels and started dealing with the people. Once the views were altered, the door to progress could open and then the laws changed. Of course, there are some people still fighting progress and other parts of the world are just as bad as they ever were. But change is happening among people first. Changing the law comes second.

If we want change, then we have to change. We can't just call for laws to be passed, demand people be fired, and wait for other people to change around us. Rape culture, racism and religious extremism are all macro level problems we can begin to reduce on an individual level. We won't be able to eradicate any of these problems, but changing individual attitudes can create a cultural shift and that kind of change can have more impact than passing a random law.

Have fun.

Gamal 

My Top Ten Books for 2014

Many successful writers advise other writers to read more than they write. I enjoy reading, so I accepted the advice without much fight. I set out to read thirty books in 2014 and according to my tracking on Good Reads, I managed to get through forty books this year. A few books were horrible, several were excellent. To look back on my year, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite books for 2014.

Keep in mind this list is for books I read this year, I’m not worried about when the book was released. I also don’t care about format. I read a combination of print, e-book, graphic novel and audio book. I’m concerned with content, not medium. The list includes fiction, non-fiction, how to and humor because I try to be well rounded...

10. The Curriculum by Stanley Bing (audio book): This humorous crash course in business combines concepts in his earlier books (How to Throw an Elephant and What Would Machiavelli Do?) It’s not a funny as the first two books, but it offers more practical advice with it’s laughs.

9. Elektra: Relentless by Rob Rodi and Sean Chen (graphic novel): This book has all the elements of a great Marvel Knights book. It’s a self -contained, character driven story that focuses as more on the humanity of the supporting cast than the “hero” who is almost a force of nature.

8. Words for Pictures by Brian Michael Bendis: Most people see comics as a hobby for nerds and children. A few people see the potential for money with all the movies and TV shows. Word for Pictures focuses on the business and the craft of creating comics in a way I haven’t seen for more than twenty five years.

7. Call for the Dead by John Le Carre (audio book): This turned out to be my least favorite book from one of my favorite authors. Le Carre retains all his skill in creating setting, characters and an intricate spy plot, but the ending he chose seemed forced and unsatisfying.

6. Handbook of Practical Spying by Jack Barth: This light hearted book from the International Spy Museum in Washington manages to offer a lot of real world advice, some historical context and without being dry or convoluted. It’s a painless introduction to modern tradecraft.

5. Being Wrong by Kathryn Shulz (audio book): This exploration of the physical, mental, social, and historical sources of mistakes is disturbing and enlightening at the same time. It doesn’t cover every aspect of error, but it covers enough ground to make you wonder how we haven’t managed to destroy the entire planet by now. 

4. Graveyard of Memories by Barry Eisler (audio book): This is the origin story for the iconic assassin John Rain (soon to be played by Keannu Reves). It contains all the elements of a great Eisler story (meticulous tradecraft, psychological insight and lush settings) but the formula for the story will be familiar to anyone who has read a Rain story before. It’s like listening to your favorite band play live. You know what they’re going to play, but you’re still amazed when they play it. 

3. Sexual Intelligence by Marty Klein: Most sex help books focus on technique or trying to get you back to some golden age of performance in your past. This book focuses on your present and future sexual expression by helping you get past technique and into physical and emotional connection. It rejects performance for pleasure and covers a wide range of sexual situations and examples. The main problem with this book is the people who read it probably don’t need it and the people who need it probably won’t read it.

2. Write, Publish, Repeat by Johnny B. Truant: It’s hard for me to listen to the podcast this book came from (The Self-Publishing Podcast) because the three hosts are friends who work together and spend two thirds of their time on the air self-promoting or meandering off topic. But these three writers have a deep understanding of the business and craft of independent publishing and what it takes to be successful. A lot of my ideas and inspiration to write came from this book when I read it the first time and it is even better the second time around. If you ever thought about writing a book, read this book first.  

1. Talk Dirty to Me by Sallie Tisdale: In a lifetime of reading books, only a handful will be transcendent. Talk Dirty to Me is one of those books for me. This intimate philosophy of sex explores the subject from fundamental questions of attraction, desire and expression and unpacks issues like pornography, prostitution, sexual identity and sexual repression in a thoughtful voice free of shame or blame. Talk Dirty to Me is a book that I’d like to read several more times. It’s not only my favorite books of 2014. It’s one of the best books I’ve read in ten years.

So what was your favorite book of 2014? Comment below and let me know.

Have fun and Happy New Year.

G

Your Dating App Isn’t the Problem in Your Love Life. You Are. (Love in the Time of Smartphones)

It is easy to lament the state of modern romance (See This Is How We Date Now). We can look at dating apps and claim romance is dead. We can point to the abundance of our digital connections as the reason behind our collective personal disconnection. We can point to the illusion of social media and blame it for the one sided portrayal of the relationships we manage to have. But these protests are short sighted because they ignore a basic reality of sexual expression.

It’s true many of us in the twenty first century can find a potential partner in the same way we can order pizza. Couples on dates do spend a disturbing amount of time staring at their phones instead of each other. Most online relationship narratives only show the happy moments. Life and love were so much better before social networks, smartphones and apps, right?

Society has created multiple methods to bring people together throughout history. Arranged marriages, matchmakers, church groups, social mixers and random encounters in bars and clubs pre-dated Tinder and Match. Did they produce better results?

People who did get together spent a lot of time apart. They might be separated physically because of work and travel, or they might be mentally separated staring at the TV all night. Were those romantic droughts preferable to smartphone staring?

The interpersonal problems we had were covered up in public with banal conversation and elaborate lies. Emotional release was satisfied by professional courtesans and concubines for the rich or amateur infidelity for the poor. Some people just suffered in silence, drowning their sorrow in liquor or lashing out at the people around them. Why is that life better than the one we have now.

Technology has changed the details of our romantic encounters, but it has not changed the fundamental process. It has made it easier for us to connect and disconnect, but has not altered the art of seduction. We now have the ability to find people to love, but most of us still don’t know how. Technology isn’t the problem. It’s the people who use it.

We have no collective skill in romance or love because most of us never get a seductive education. At a certain age, we’re pushed to be attractive, date, marry, procreate and repeat the process with the next generation with most people stumbling through every stage like a drunken monkey. It’s as if we were each given a gun and bullets and then told to protect ourselves without any instruction on the physical, mental, emotional and social impact of owning a deadly weapon. We are burdened with the expectation and responsibility to love with nothing more than the ignorant mantra of “it will work out if it’s meant to.”

It’s not as if the lessons of love don’t exist. Ovid’s Art of Love, the Kama Sutra, the Technique of the Love Affair and the Art of Seduction are only a small sample of the books devoted to romance. There are historical icons from Casanova and Ninon de l’Enclos and modern examples like Prince and Monica Bellucci today. But the education is hidden or rejected. The experts are either shunned or marginalized as unique or different from the rest of us. But romantic fulfillment isn’t a product of apathy, apps or astrology. It comes from intelligent effort, focused attention and constant communication.

I left the open dating world before apps went main stream, so I only have an observer’s perspective on the current state of affairs. I’ve been in love for five years now with a woman I idolize and adore. We share affection, communication and understanding I appreciate but never take for granted. I still try to attract and impress her because I’ve made the personal decision to continue and enhance our romantic relationship. In spite of the dire predictions, romance isn’t dead. It can’t be killed by society or technology. Romance is simply rare and it only lives and thrives with inspiration and effort.

Have fun.

Gamal

Rape Culture as a Weapon of Collective Control

Amanda Taub of Vox has just published a piece entitled "Rape Culture Isn't a Myth". The post explores the definition and history of rape culture as well as it's impact on the every day lives of women and men. 

The overall result of rape culture goes beyond the damage done to individual victims. It becomes a method of control to limit the freedom and progress of all women by forcing them to trade security for opportunity.

“Rape culture pressures women to sacrifice their freedoms and opportunities in order to stay safe, because it puts the burden of safety on women’s shoulders, and blames them when they don’t succeed. As a result, certain opportunities are left unavailable to women, and still others are restricted by expensive safety precautions. That amounts, essentially, to a tax that is levied exclusively on women. Over time, the cost of that tax adds up to opportunities lost and progress not achieved. When women give up social and economic opportunities in order to stay safe, that affects their progress overall, which in turn affects society’s progress overall.”

— Amanda Taub

Rape culture, like racism, is difficult to extract from society because it is a tool of power and power is a fundamental goal of human interaction. As Robert Greene details in his book The 48 Laws of Power, those who have power in a particular setting won't give it up without a compelling incentive. Self-interest trumps morality on both the individual and group level.

The problem with this collective logic lies in its misguided goal. The control of women through threats of violence hinders rather than promotes human progress. We are acting against our own self-interest when our social, legal and political institutions punish women for the destructive sexual greed of men. When women have to live in fear, we limit their potential and our own progress. So until we find a social tool more powerful than rape culture, our society will continue to suffer.

.